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Going through the surgical ordeal with more than 70 families now I’ve seen so many different family dynamics. At best it’s an amazingly difficult situation. Some people can set it all aside and just support one another in their time of need. Others carry their baggage in front of them and can't do anything without tripping over it.

While I’m very fortunate to have my support system, I’ve experienced some of what’s been written about. It took me a long time to realize that’s most of the people in our lives cannot understand what we are going through. We look OK. They’ve had their back pain. “I used to have back pain like yours, but now I stretch and do sit ups every morning and that takes care of it!” They can’t understand and more importantly, we can’t expect them to.

I don’t know what to say about your dad. It sounds like he’s responding to the past, not the present. I learned by example from my parents. Each crisis is an opportunity to show your loved ones how much you love them. It’s easy for me to say that because I’ve not been burned by doing this in the past.

I wish I had some great advice for you. It sounds like you going to have to dig out of this on your own. I hope you and your family can get past this in the future. It sounds like your surgery was something of a success, so you'll have a good chance. Hang in there.

Mark