Giving up,
So depressed that I can't pull my emotions together and my body does not belong to anymore. Thoughts of getting married having children living life all gone! I am certainly not going to bring anyone else down into my dreaded world. I have tried to see some light out there and I just end up getting so upset and anxious that I bring myself more agony by upsetting what ever it is hurting my back. Can't laugh or get nervous or have any type of normal outof control emotions with out a flare up even talking loud and getting excited sets my pain off. So here I am with a flumbly left hand due to the nerve root compression of th c8 nerve root which I feel wi never return and scared to look down too far because of pain and the thought of making things worse! Just give it time, time, time..... If I hear that one more time I'm going to explode. I emailed my dr in Spain and asked if I fly back over there will he do the myleo ct as my neurologist just tells me to wait. Wait for more damage, my symptoms are not normal I have no life and hurt all day. Broken, broken is what I am.. I feel this is my life now and I just can't imagine living like this for another 25 plus years, bymyself, alone and in pain, I'd rather go out so much sooner as this is not a life for anyone. When u can't even have emotions because of aggravation of back pain then why have a life at all. No excitement, no nervousness, no sadness just sit in bed and rot because life as I knew it ( fun, energetic, beautiful etc...) is finished for me. So I'm gonna try and sleep and stay numb which is the safest for me these days!
Jarrod
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