Quote:
Originally Posted by jchebert1979
If you have been following my story you know that I have been very frustrated by people not being able to understand the extreme intensity of the levels of pain I was in. Since the pain started it was so severe that I was not able to feel any emotions. I could not feel happy, sad, excited, etc. Only severe pain. This was very different from a depression. I would say that this was more something like depersonalization due to severe pain. I will definitely need to seek counseling of some sort when I return home as I am feeling a flood of emotion that is returning that has been completely foreign to me for two years. While most of it is good, I am experiencing periods of complete rage in the direction of the medical care professionals who ignored the correct diagnosis while I was dying from the pain and losing my home a the possessions that I had worked so hard for. Remember the first MRI two years ago diagnosed everything yet the proper diagnosis was ignored and I was written off.
Well anyway, I think the issues that I am facing and will face in the near future will pale in comparison to what I've made it through. I hope everyone is here is doing the best that they can.
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It's so nice to see others on here that are feeling the same way and understand the unimaginable pain 24/7 that thoracic herniation cause. Then add the lack of an ounce if care from doctors and act like you couldn't possibly be in that bad of pain. My one doc has made really stupid comments like "what's the big deal and what's the rush" when I've tried to get in to get a test or a consult for an option of getting out of this pain, or a specialist. The list goes on of built up hope and dashed with cold ignorance. I have been asked if I had something emotional that is making this worse? I asked what could possibly be worse than this 24/7. They said it couldn't possibly hurt that bad. Wanting to run other tests even because they didn't think 3 herniated discs, one with a tear could be causing this kind of pain or they think I'm lying. I would I stand to gain? I've always been an athlete. I used to be a personal trainer at Chicago Health Club. I was on my 6 mile daily run when this intense pain came on and never went away. Took me forever to find out I had the herniations, but I still have fought to get anything done for me. I couldn't have agreed more and sounds like my exact quotes on here by jchebert1979 I even told several docs there's a huge difference from depression and being in so much pain that you fight just to function thru the pain. This is worse than depression, I still want to do all the great athletics and hobbies I did before that day 3 years ago. My mind craves it and dreams of the day it can live without so many pain impulses bombarding it every waking moment and only being able to sleep sitting up leaning lightly against pillow in chair and have to take sleeping pills and pain meds to even stay sleeping for a couple hours. I fight to survive this dying agony that is my body at only 45 very young being an athlete since junior high. Then I fight doctors from playing me like a full and brushing me off. Then I have to defend my pain to those in my life and I just have no energy left for any of it. I only care about getting better and my pets. If I could be 50%, I'd call that a success. Anything more, would be an amazing gift that seems too good to be true at this point. That coming from someone who never thought me of all people would be living through this. I know people in my life don't really get it or understand it, but that's for them to now care enough to step to the plate and research it and gain the knowledge that helps them get it. Because I have to go thru enough with this unlivable pain and with explaining and defending myself to doctors, I have nothing left to give. This is shaking me to the core and changing who I am. I have to remind myself how strong of a woman I am and that I will beat this, but I have my doubts as 3 years have come and gone and its only getting worse. The longer it goes on, the farther away from the life I loved goes away. My insurance is only in Indiana and my only options are in other states. I'm currently checking into those to make sure they except cash patients.
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