Blairsara: I'm a young one too. I'm 25 currently and have been in this 'experience' for 4 years to the week (I thought it was 5 and was posting everywhere saying it was 5, but my mom was sure to correct me. I always think this has been a LOT longer than that!!). I had my first surgery on Dec. 12, 2002.
I'm waiting for my surgeon to tell me that it's time for a multiple-level ADR at L4/L5 and L5/S1. Since I found this board, I got some suggestions for doctors that are already doing the multiple level surgery. I think my doc is waiting for a specific disc, so I'm not 100% sure where I stand right now.
For sleep, I use a combination of 2 meds and it works okay. The first is Rozerem, which does something to the melatonin in your brain and that is what is knocking you out. My pain doc explained it to me, but it was too complicated for me! The other one is Restoril. I don't know what that one does. I think it's similar to Ambien and those types of meds.
It's really hard facing the rest of our lives like this. I had a major "incident" (I don't know how to describe it) last March where after the length of a week, I couldn't stand up straight, walking was amazingly difficult, and sitting was nearly impossible. One night, for example, my mom and dad had to try to get me out of one of our kitchen table's chairs. My father was lifting me from behind me, and my mom was pulling me up from the front, but I couldn't stand up, even hunched over. That was the worst pain I have ever, and hope will never that kind of pain again. My parents finally got me up and immediately rushed me out to my mom's car to take me to the ER. I didn't want to, since I figured it was just a muscle issue and didn't want to waste both my and the ER's time. It's a good thing I went. I found out that I had somehow managed to herniate what was left at those two levels. After I found that out, I immediately scheduled an appointment with my surgeon to see if there was anything that we could do to get rid of this pain. Unfortunately, there isn't except for replacement. He walked into the exam room and immediately said, wow, you sure look depressed. That was a great boost to my ego! NOT! But, and here's the point, in our conversation (during which he told me that there wasn't anything they could do until the ADR), he told me that, even with the surgery, I won't ever get rid of the pain. This will be the rest of my life, without question. The procedure may lessen it some, but I will be in some level of pain for the rest of my life. I've only lived a quarter of my life and the other 3/4 will be spent the same way. And that's the most terrifying thing that anyone has ever said to me. I always held onto that hope in the back of my head that, once they do the ADR and I recover, I'll be fine. I'll have the ability to get my life back. My doc basically dashed that hope in one sentence. And it hurt.
It's hard to face the future when you know that it is going to be the same as the life we're living now. It's terrifying. There are too many days where I don't think that I can make it through tommorow, let alone another what, maybe 70 years if I'm lucky. BUT, I also consider those of us who get hit with this when we're young are better off. I know it sounds weird but just hear me out on this. I don't have kids, I don't have a mortgage to worry about, I don't have a full time job that I have to keep so that both I and my family have health insurance. I don't have even a quarter of the responsibilities as people who are older than us. (I mean absolutely no offence to anyone with this) You never know what these docs will come up with next. Who knows, maybe in 5 or 10 years they will have found the magic cure for this. And because we're so young, we are the optimal candidates for those types of things. When I started this 4 years ago, there wasn't the adr being used, and now that's an option. You never know what tommorow may bring.
I'm really lucky. My parents are understanding enough to allow me to still live at home and support me in every way, including financially. My parents pay all of my bills. But they do that so I can have a shot at a future. They do it so that I can stay in school and get my degree. They want me to have a career, not just a job. They want me to be happy, and to be happy in the future, I have to be able to finish this. I've been working on it for 7 years now, on and off with my surgeries. If I were to quit, I'd regret it for the rest of my life, and I know that I'd feel worthless. Even in the summer, when I don't have anything to do, I feel like there is no point for my life. It's hard.
I know this post is really long, and I apologize. I'm a journalist, so I tend to write, a lot!
But, the bottom line here, is that I want to tell you that I'm here if you need someone to talk to about this life. I haven't had the adr yet, and I don't know what's going on with your surgery, but I'm here for you if you need me. Feel free to email me or private message me whenever you need. This next week is finals week, so I may not be able to get back to you right away, but I promise that I will get back to you. And, as hard as it is, try to hang in there!! Remember, you never know what tommorow will bring. Yes, it may be worse, but it also may be better. You never know.
