Judy,
What I consider 'deal breakers' within my own marriage, others tolerate. Though I think Maria and I are in complete agreement on your circumstances, they are nontheless your circumstances. If you cannot forgive Jeff for unforgiveable sins, and honestly, who could possibly blame you, then that is your decision. I would feel terrible if anything I said influenced your decision to stay in or end your marriage.
Having said all that, remember than never is forever. As an unforgiving person myself, it is easy to sit in judgment of Jeff's betrayal. This not for me to forgive but rather to support you in your decisions. And btw, you might want to consider sharpening - no never mind!!
Oops, did I say that?
Dale