Let's get our loved ones involved here

jessmith07 · #1 (**permalink**) 05-07-2009, 05:10 AM

My husband and I have lunch together every Wednesday, without fail. Today's lunch topic was him following the posts that I've been leaving on iSpine in the hopes to better understand what'm going though when I'm conversing with other "spineys". At first I thought this was a great idea, then I thought "What if I need this forum as a place to vent outside if him, without venting ON him and hurting his feelings?

We came to the conclusion that it's NOT a bad thing for him to read and get an even greater understanding of what's going on inside my head.

And so, since we already have a forum, Caring For A Loved One In Pain - ISPINE.ORG Forum, Caring for a Loved one in Pain, why don't we try to make more use of it? I looked into it, but there wasn't much there. I'm going to sign up my husband and oldest daugher, who seems be the most effected my this...

Please, you all know how much support we give each other as spineys...but look around you. Could you be going through this without your husband, your wife, your significant other, parents, kids, close friends & relatives? They are living this too, and feel just as helpless. Please, lets all work very hard on getting our loved ones on board for the family-support section of this forum...they need it...they deserve it. They can help each other find the peace that we have given each other,,,

treefrog · #2 (**permalink**) 05-07-2009, 04:22 PM

My problem is, my significant other doesn't want to post on forums. I did tell him I thought he should read some of the post-op stories, to know what we might expect. Though, I've not followed through on that, and sent him links to patient stories. I guess I should get on that. I don't know if he will actually read them though.

symara · #3 (**permalink**) 05-07-2009, 06:01 PM

My husband and I were just discussing supporting each other the other day, so I should get him to sign up here also. It would probably be beneficial to us both. he could come on here and vent about me at the same time I'm venting so he doesn't have to hear me complain all the time.

dshobbies · #4 (**permalink**) 05-07-2009, 06:27 PM

Jess,

While our caregivers would get a better understanding of what we were/are going through by reading the posts of other spineys, this forum is not their lifeline like it is/was ours. Prior to my surgery and during my recoup, this and other forums were my only connection to the outside world. My husband, family and friends, as sympathetic to my situation as they could be, still had their lives intact. Spending hours with the computer in my lap was my world and though we might have discussed an impactful post, my husband wasn't all that interested. I didn't push it. He had enough on his plate.

People have different interests. Individual circumstances influence these on a very personal basis. My husband and I support each other but we don't share the same interests. We patiently listen as the other rambles but beyond that support, we've got our own 'stuff'. If this is something your husband and daughter want to do, great. If not, I wouldn't push it.

dridobits · #5 (**permalink**) 05-07-2009, 07:53 PM

Jess, I think this is a good topic. I recently wrote to my step father and brother and asked for help...any help. Anything they could offer even if it was just a talk.

For me it's really hard to ask for help. I don't know if that comes from being a caretaker myself, being a woman or just my personality.

I got a note from my step father who can be super intense and not always the nicest person (I love him dearly). I was surprised to hear him say if I didn't go to him for support he would be sad and upset. That was very comforting to me.

Having others understand my situation has been up and down and across the board. Some people are really empathetic and others do not have the capacity. Others just walk away. I take everything I can get and also try really hard to be there for their problem even tho they may seem slight in relation to mine, they need help too I realized.

I am single so I talk to my dog a lot. She has been very supportive and understanding. It sounds funny but we have to do what we have to do to get support...even if that means talking to a stranger. I have friends that I've had to accept are just limited. Then there are people I just can't be around anymore like the people who think the answer to my problems is getting out and bowling.