How did/do you deal with the stress?

[Nairek]

How do I deal with the stress? That is a really good question. I really don't know how I have dealt with it. So far this year I had a 6 day hospital stay with fusion surgery, had to put my dog to sleep, my grandmother passed away (we weren't very close though), my husband may be getting laid off from work soon, we are moving out of state, & the medical bills are starting to roll in from surgery. I'm surprised that I haven't totally snapped yet.

I have seriously mellowed out over the years. When I was younger, I was known for blowing up over relatively small things. I noticed that after I got hurt the first time around, the more stressed out I got, the more my muscles tensed up & the more I hurt.

I made decisions in my life to avoid/rid myself of those who caused a lot of stress/drama for me. It helped but I was lonely. So I adopted a beagle. Boy oh boy she was a handful. She created a lot of stress for me but I loved her & eventually after a few years she mellowed out some. Pets are truly the best stress relief a person can have. Sadly, I had to put my beloved Peanut to sleep 1 month after having my fusion surgery. I miss her terribly & still about cry when I talk about her.

When I was going through my appeals with BC/BS & the NYS Insurance Dept. to get approval for ADR surgery, I was working 40-45 hours per week & going to school 3 nights per week as well. In the middle of all of this, I got married as well. In the end, I lost my appeals & continued the downward spiral with my spine.

I concentrated on finishing school which was a huge accomplishment since I always hated school. I even made the Dean's List & managed an academic citation. Holy cow was all I could say

I think I deal with stress in an odd way. I have always had or created my own stress for years. I guess I have just dealt with it for so long, that my mind has just accepted it as a daily thing. I am not on medication for it. Been there, done that, hated it.

The only way that I was able to deal with the stress of surgery was to more or less disassociate myself from the reality of it so to speak. Not necessarily a healthy thing to do I guess. I tried to not think of the bad things that could happen. I more or less live & think on a day to day basis. I can't look at things in a long term sort of way. When I think about too much at once, I get hit with anxiety.

I do suffer from depression. It can get really bad sometimes. It's usually worse at night. I just cry & let it out. I also listen to music. Anything from classical to death metal. I'm more of a metal chic though I use to play keyboards & I'll have to try to get back into that again as well as drawing. When the moment strikes, I write poetry.

I don't know if any of these things will help you to relieve stress. I say give it a shot & see if it helps. Please know that you are not alone in your struggle. There are a lot of people here who have walked down the same road. We are a community & we are here to help. Please do not be afraid to reach out.

I wish you well & hope that you are able to get some rest!

Karin

[runner]

Jess,

I think you will be fine and you CAN DO THiS.
It may seem overwhelming to you now, but soon you will be on the other side.
Think about the pain relief you will eventually experience.
Think about getting your real life back.
Think about how your family will like their real mom back.
Think about going to your kid's activities and not worrying about your back.

Good luck and don't worry too much.

Runner

[jessmith07]

Thank you all SO much for taking the time to talk me through this and share.

I'm doing better today, and I decided that it's best not to alter my schedule and stay home...it's best to just push though it no matter what.

I did manage to get a nap yesterday, and go to my daughter's band concert last night (sitting in those metal folding chairs is NO FUN!!! ) then woke up at about 12:30 this morning and didn't go back down until around 4:00.

But! I didn't post any middle-of-the night panic stricken rantings, so I must be calming down and getting some peace with what's going on.

You guys really are a HUGE help for me...you are like my guardian angels...

[dshobbies]

Jess & all,

Living with constant pain, facing an uncertain surgery, dealing with financial issues - it all wears you down and robs you of your sanity. The fears and anxiety are overwhelming. These mere mortal descriptive words can't even begin to encompass the toll on your life and the effects to your family and friends.

If you know how to meditate, it can relax you, giving you the chance to cope just a little more. If not, it is very definitely worth looking into. I also recommend wearing a good back brace when in taxing situations. It was the only thing that allowed me to go out into the world. Though you ultimately might become dependent on the brace, so what. If it helps, it helps.

All of us here know about the crazies. We've all had/have them. It's a consequence of your situation. If you didn't have them, we'd probably all question your mental health. As far as dealing with your feelings, we each managed to find our own way but try to smile, try to laugh, even if that laughter leads to tears.

I know it's tough, my best, Dale

[Nairek]

Originally Posted by jessmith07

Thank you all SO much for taking the time to talk me through this and share.

Any time Jess. Remember, you are not alone.

Karin

[mmglobal]

We are in such a tough spot needing this kind of surgery. We have very few options and none of them are great. If you have done enough research to fully believe that you are making the best choice possible, you are doing everything you can to save your life. Some people approach their surgery with great anxiety, but it's not helpful. You are just a few short weeks or months away from disovering what the rest of your life can be like. Embrace the flood of emotions you are having... (hopefully,) you'll never again experience things so intensely. It's like trying to drink from a fire hose.. you are being flooded with such intense emotion, it's hard process. Just know that whatever it's like and whatever your recovery is like, if this gets you to a better life... you'll look back on this and will barely remember how difficult it was. This all just makes for a better story. I'm always surprised but have seen many times, people who struggled as you are wind up telling others that it was 'no big deal'. Go be a success and this will be something to smile about!

See you in Straubing!

Mark

[mmglobal]

Ps... I'm the tall guy with a big scar on my abdomen from my lumbar adr... a big scar on my neck from my cervical adr, and a big smile on my face.

[jessmith07]

Well, it's almost 1:00 and I just woke up. I ran out of sleeping pills, and forgot to go pick up my refill from the pharmacy. However, I'm feeling more at peace, albeit a bit restless. I think my increased dosage of my daily anxiety medication is starting to help. Sometimes I wish I could push "pause" on my children's neediness and selfishness as I know that they are a source of stress that under normal conditions I can handle with ease. My children are wonderful people and even on their worst days are better than some kids that I've seen on their best days, but they still go through the normal "it's all about me" and sometimes I want to scream at them, "Look at me, Darn it! No, It's NOT all about you! WHAT ABOUT ME?" But of course, I can't do that to them...they don't understand, and at this point in their lives, they really aren't supposed to. I grew up feeling like my mother's therapist, and a lot of the time, I felt like my mother's parent, and I just won't do that to my children.

And so, I have to breathe deep. They know that something's wrong. They ask if I'm okay, and then they ask can I do this, can I go here, don't forget about (fill in the blank), and on, and on...

God bless my husband for all the help he gives. He insisted we go out on a date tonight, and even though I really didn't want to, I went anyway, for him, and we went out to dinner, and we had a lovely time. We talked about looking forward to a time when the kids will be grown and won't be running us ragged, and we can find ourselves again, and I was thinking about how I can look forward to a pain free future with the love of my life...

And then it dawned on me...I can see HOPE...