todays funny

Alastair · #1 (**permalink**) 06-09-2007, 01:27 PM

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.

Alastair · #2 (**permalink**) 06-28-2007, 12:50 PM

An elderly man and his wife are taking a stroll through the country when they spy a fence where they used to conduct their courting.
Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.
When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago", to which the man replies "Well, that fence wasn't electric 50 years ago."

mmglobal · #3 (**permalink**) 06-30-2007, 06:33 PM

An engineering masterpiece....

dshobbies · #4 (**permalink**) 07-04-2007, 02:20 AM

All these examples do NOT imply that gasoline is cheap;
it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one!
(At least, I was...)

Compared with Gasoline......

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 .. $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ..........$9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 .... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ......... $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15............ $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 .. $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ....... . $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .............$84.48 per gallon

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..........$21.19 per gallon! $21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source.

(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)

Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?
So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at................
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
$5,200 a gal. (five thousand two hundred dollars)

So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump...

dshobbies · #5 (**permalink**) 07-04-2007, 02:22 AM

A recently widowed lady was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away last year," he replied, and again turned back to his book.
"Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Suntree," he answered, and then resumed reading.
Trying to find a topic of common interest, Sarah persisted. "Do you like pussycats?"
With that, the man threw his book down, jumped off his blanket onto hers, tore off both their swimsuits and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Sarah gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"

dshobbies · #6 (**permalink**) 07-04-2007, 02:26 AM

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day, he went to pay for his Groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said
You'd be paying for her things, too."

chasswen · #7 (**permalink**) 07-04-2007, 01:23 PM

There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their
asses!

I thought the results were pretty interesting:

25% of women think their ass is too fat...

10% of women think their ass is too skinny...

The other 65% say that they don't care; they love him, he's a good
man, and
they would have married him anyway.