todays funny

[chasswen]

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, 'Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.'

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, 'Well Bruce, you are only 10. Where will you two live?'

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies, 'In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.'

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr.. Smith says with a huge grin, 'Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny.'

Again, Bruce instantly replies, 'Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.'

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?'

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,

'Well, we've been lucky so far.'

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.

[chasswen]

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as
she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite
sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the
problem
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal
test the husband could
perform to give the Doctor a better idea about
her hearing loss.

Here's what you do,' said the Doctor, 'stand
about 40 feet away from
her, and in a normal conversational speaking
tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on
until you get a response.'
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking
dinner, and he was
in the den. He says to himself, 'I'm about 40
feet away, let's see what happens.' Then in a normal tone he asks,
'Honey, what's for dinner?'

No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen,
about 30 feet from his
wife and repeats, 'Honey, what's for dinner?'

Still no response.

about 20 feet from wife and asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10
feet away. 'Honey,
what's for dinner?' Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. 'Honey, what's
for dinner?'

(I just love this)

'Ralph, for the FIFTH F*ing' time, it's CHICKEN!!!!'