todays funny

[chasswen]

This morning on theInterstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a
Woman

In a brand new
Cadillac


Doing 65 mph


With her
Face up next to her

Rear view mirror

Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away

For a couple seconds !


And when I looked back she was

Halfway over in my lane,


Still working on that makeup.


As a man,

I don't scare easily.


But she scared me so much;
I dropped




My electric shaver,


Which knocked

The donut

Out of my other hand.

In all
The confusion of trying

To straighten out the car


Using my knees against

The steering wheel,


It knocked

My cellphone


Away from my ear


Which fell


Into the coffee

Between my legs,


Splashed,


And burned


Big Jim and the Twins,


Ruined the damn phone,


Soaked my trousers,


And disconnected an
Important call.


Damn Women Drivers!!!

[chasswen]

A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he

Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing,

"For our closing song,

Let us sing Hymn #365, "We Shall Gather at the River."