todays funny

[chasswen]

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely i can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one.

My name is alice smith and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dds diploma, which bore his full name.

Suddenly, i remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, i quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, i asked him if he had attended morgan park high school .

'yes. Yes, i did. I'm a mustang,' he gleamed with pride.

'when did you graduate?' i asked.

He answered , 'in 1967. Why do you ask?'

'you were in my class!', i exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked.

'what did you teach?'

[dshobbies]

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric
Association about women and how they feel about their asses.



The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.

[chasswen]

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good

manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
how
would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute, I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.'

'What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said, 'I am

sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.

I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it' s still not very nice to say

the word bathroom at the dinner table.
'And you, little Eddie, can you use your brain

for once and show us your good manners?''

I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?

I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to

introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted...

[dshobbies]

'Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.'

So - if you give her crap, you will receive a bucket full of shit.