Caring for a loved one in pain. The spouse of a chronic pain patient.

[Roblin]

Thank you Mark and Diane for sharing this beautiful letter about caregiving. It was a tear jerker for sure. What a wonderful reminder for those of us in chronic pain just how much it hurts our family and what sacrifices they have to give in helping our lives to be a bit better.
Thank you again so much for sharing this with the community!
Roblin

[wendy]

mmglobal

thanks for this, at easter my husband nearly left me and i think there should be more out there for the spouses and familys i have 2 kids 4 years and 6 years and thats the worst thing about pain is them as they miss out on so many normal things, as for the husband he feels useless and cant support his family we are now in the process of losing our house, but thats life and like i said i think they need the support too.
its a very emotional letter to share and thankyou and yes i did have tears in my eyes. X X
thanks
wendy

[mmglobal]

Wendy, when things were bad for me, I remember having thoughts like, "my family would be better off without me." I was able to recognize that is the depression talking... not me. I had avoided anti-depressants for many monts as my pain management doc and wife had been telling me that I needed them. When I realized how bad it was getting, I started on them and they were very effective for me. For about 2 years, they were a very important part of my treatment regimen.

This is an important topic for the patient community.

All the best,

Mark

[wendy]

mm global
hi i guess from my post you can tell it is getting me down, and yes i did try anti depressant tablets but with the opiods and morphine and the anti sickness i was real sick which as you know is no fun when you cant support yourself to sick over bowl or toilet and very messy, so had to give up on them but did try.
the thing that annoys me is the nhs here in england as most people in america dont have to wait like i am and i think thats the problem, they shouldn't be handing my all these drugs( which if i dont take i cannot walk)
they should be doing something about the problem,as now not only will i have to recover from op i will have to ween of medication, if i am late taking a dose now i am real ill.
speak soon thanks
wendy x

[mmglobal]

Wendy, I'm so sorry that your system does not allow the ready access to care that we should all have. It seems that these issues are getting worse and worse all over. I hope you can get your med issues sorted out soon. I'm glad that this topic is getting some attention. While we may not be able to solve many of our problems, I think that greater awareness of depression, caregiver and family issues will help us to deal with these issues more effectively. Also important is to understand how huge a component these issues can be, and that they can be a major factor in our pain levels... functioning levels... etc.

Good luck... please keep us posted... all the best,

Mark

[dshobbies]

I am so enormously grateful to my husband and though I tell him, he'll really never know.

I've seen the anger and hostility in some that were no longer healthy and somewhat or fully incapacitated. They tended to take out their frustrations on those closest to them. I saw my father treat my mother quite badly after his bypass surgery until hating myself, I intervened by yelling at this very sick man.

I swore I would not lose my patience and treat my own husband badly but as a woman, I suppose I was able to cry - a lot. It's a difficult situation when a loved one is chronically ill. It is a lose/lose situation and I am pleased that I can now help out another family suffering similarly. Small gestures like going to the market or Target, or even cooking a meal are so appreciated.

It's too bad for too many that they have to live through this experience before they understand that these little gestures that make a big difference for everyone.

Wendy, I so wish you and your husband an easier time. We're also here to support each other so please post as often as you want. Venting to others can relieve tensions and knowing you're not alone, that others have walked in your shoes and come out whole gives you hope.

My best to you, Dale

[mmglobal]

Great post Dale.... reminded me of something that's relevant here.

After one of my trips to Germany with clients for their surgeries (not yours!), I was laying in bed with Diane and I said, "I hope that I wasn't bitchy and nasty to you the way that some of the spineys I see are."

She clearly did not understand the question or read the script. The correct reply was... "no dear, you were wonderful." Instead, she said, "you were pretty tough to be around at times... " We talked about it further.

I wish I could say that I was stoic and that I did not let my years of chronic pain, disability, frustration, etc... make me a curmudgeon that was not nice to be around... but at times it got the best of me. I'd like to think that those times were short and infrequent... but this topic would not exist if that was true.

Mark