My House is a Mess

[jsewell]

I went through cervical surgery in july of '07. Months of neck in a brace and not keeping up the house because of fear of damage to my neck.

Then the hip replacement with no bending allowed. House a mess still.

The spine pain started and anything i did seemed to hurt , so i started doing less and less and really never got to clean up the cluttered mess before all this started.

Meanwhile my right knee becomes oh so painful with each step. Trying to kill two periods of recouperation with one stone, I schedule knee surgery in DEc and 3 weeks later the first back surgery. You now know what the family home looks like.
For the next 7 surgeries same story. Now my lumbar pain which is really the first pain i had is back with a vengence and in my legs with severe leg weakness. Well severe for me, the exerciser .

Now waiting to find out the exact problem areas and for my doc to get back from his celebration of marriage.

So does anyone out there have a spouse that can do everything or anyone stuck like me with one that does nothing. Does not lift a finger. His paper towels that he has used for various reasons sit on the recliner (supposed to be mine), the end tables, kitchen tables and counters and on the floor. So not even lifting a finger. Any bending over on my part is so painful even though i live on pain killers. Or pain reducers as they should be called.

Bottom line is my house is a cluttered dirty mess and i am embarrassed to let anyone in here. I cringe when my landlord comes by (they live in the back house) . I always thought after each surgery there would be a light at the end of the tunnel , but i seem to be stuck in the tunnel.

Just another way that as Mark says, Spine sucks.

judy

[Maria]

Can I ever relate! It's not my back that has me doing next to nothing at home tho my feet have been problematic the last few weeks and I'm still just so tired from having dealt w/my parents estate and needing to do my own "stuff" at home.

Don't have the spouse doesn't do anything thing going on because I moved out 6 years ago for that reason and some others. I really like my dh (dear hub) and he's there for me in ways no one else would be so as long as I keep the housekeeping rage out of it we're good.

However that being said I'm just mess myself right now. I finally started to sort paperwork,toss/shred/file since getting back from Fla and the few months there taking are of my parent's estate. I did such a good job there and really have no energy left to do my own space but I"m so sick of clutter that I have to do something so I started.

I certainly understand what you're saying Judy. And when my back was bad I couldn't do what I needed to altho I find when my something else is bad enough I can't do it either! Altho I admit I cannot move furniture or next to nothing myself re my back. That sucks!!!!

PAIN SUCKS!!!!! Whatever kind!

So hold that thought and wait for a reprieve. When you're ready you'll get back into it. I don't know the answer to getting a reluctant spouse to help out. Mine didn't think the dustballs were as bad as I thought or the clutter. I like to keep things neat. When stuff starts getting out of place and there's dust or clutter to any degree it's unsettling to me.

Yes my Mom was Type A personality.. yes it's learned tho if I learned to be neat and care about my own space I think that's pretty darn worth learning! Sometimes however I need to learn how to chill and just deal with it or hire Molly Maids or some cleaning service like I used to have! M

[jsewell]

Thanks Maria,
I think i have been so exhausted the last 3 days that i can barely do anything and it was just getting to me. My spouse now lays in bed all day and even on some work days and i am at the end of my rope. Needed to vent. Thanks
judy

[dshobbies]

Weeeeeellllll,

I'm fairly good and my house is still a mess. Though I must confess, two of my grandkids are here and we simply don't care. That being said, I have a wonderful husband who does what he has to, including laundry if necessary. He does stop there though. Kitchen counters, sinks, bathrooms - uh uh. Shoes everywhere, magazines piling up - but he takes care of me so complain- no. When it gets a little bad I just remember how much I love him and wait for my housekeeping crew as patiently as I can. Sometimes, we have to turn a blind eye.

Next week is 39 years

[jsewell]

Congratulations Dale on 39 years that is awesome! I have banned mine from doing my laundry years ago as my clothes somehow fit my younger daughters when he was done with them. Very expensive !
judy

[Maria]

I will never forget leaving the laundry for my dh to do and coming home in time to see him put his sneakers in with my clothes. That was it.. he was banned from doing my laundry after that!

Congrats on 39 years Dale!

[chiku]

I don't have a husband, but I understand about the mess. I have 2 sons, 12 and 13, they do try to help. But my house is still a mess, bending and standing are a nightmare. After working all day teh last thing I want to do is come home and clean.

[Maria]

It reached an all time high. I went to visit my aunt and uncle in LA. They have a long standing friend who has a house in their beautiful area of LA and he is a hoarder.

So after my aunt showed his house and van that he lives out of cuz he can't fit himselft into his house


Since I got back to my city I've had the energy to clean and re arrange things. My space is loking much better. I needed a kick in the pants (mental). Still have to limit myself re what I can do. Young people can do more than old people (myself).

[jsewell]

thanks for your comments Shebo and Chiku. I got it looking ok or lets just say a little better, i don't know why. It is trashed again. I guess with 5 other people living here (my kids and husband) what can i expect. I spoiled them all for years when i could go to work, run in the predawn hours and just do everything. Now i'm lucky if i can get myself moving for a few hours. Then my priority is to take enough pain meds so i can hike up my trail for a few hours. I always pay after , but i need to keep moving. No bending though and that is the most painful thing that i need to do.
I do just wish i could get over it though and not be embarrassed!!!
judy

[Maria]

I bend alot. Straight over from the waist as my knees get alot of squatting in as well. I catch myself while bending over from the waist thinking .. uh oh.. better not do this. Often it's more like "uh oh.. that hurt!" Not badly most of the time or I wouldn't do it.

I've been in a straightening out mood since last weekend. Really got busy.

Must admit the grabber has been helpful to pick up things that I know it can reach/grab w/o me needing to "go there." Eliminates a lof of unnecessary bending for me when I remember to use it.

[jsewell]

My muscles are all weak from steroids so i cannot get up from a squat so i do bend from the waist , but try not to just some times i can't stand seeing stuff all over the floor.
I should use my reacher grabber, you sent me a good reminder. I got mine when i had my hip replaced and bending was a definate no no.
judy

[cherylstewart67]

thankfully he knows to ask if something needs to be placed in the dyrer. i have facial nere pain from my cranial nerves; so much stress from the peek cage at c3/4, pain is a daily thing for me. they have tried meds; but some i can't take. seems like i have no life anymore. my true only hope is to have an adr at c6/7! i know the ddd would slow a lot if we did not do any more fusion. i am just not doing well with fusion at all.

[jsewell]

Cheryl i am sorry you are still in pain . I am too, but not from any areas that were actually operated on. My few lumbar discs that are left untouched have decided to act up and cause pain or something in that area. I know the daily pain thing. it is no fun. I manage to take a few hours most days to take those pain meds and go hiking slowly up a mountain. It saves my sanity.
I hope you can find something that you like to give you some stess relief too.
judy

[CarolJ]

Yes, I have also banned my husband from my laundry(thank God for my 16 yr. old Angel). Don't get me wrong, he is great and does as much as he can, plus takes care of vehicles, yard, along with my daughter and Aunties help. Between the three of them, it gets done well enough.

I am so OCD, but I have had to look the other way at times. I used to keep my floors so clean you could eat off of them almost anytime. Also a workaholic, so I don't know when to quit when it came to cleaning before the surgeries.

Now, I want to get the ADR done, rebuild my health, control pain, and of all make my child happy by putting a REAL SMILE on my face. I just want to laugh a real laugh again. To heck with the housecleaning. LOL...It will get done sometime! Just let it go hon & keep on going, it has to get better, doesn't it?!

CarolJ

[jsewell]

Thanks Carol, most of the time i can look the other way, but yesterday it all got to me and i took my pain meds and cleaned and declutterd downstairs.
Only a few things to put away today, but my husband had spilled stuff all over the kitchen floor! I think he is the biggest contributor to my insanity over the place being a total mess.
I am going to try to keep up with it until the next surgery.
judy

[dshobbies]

Judy,

What happened to that back bone we were talking about? Sit your family down and tell them how it has to be - end of discussion. Tell them those on this forum think very low of your non-supportive family and you will continue to post their lack of cooperation.

However, if and when they change their ways, we will all cheer their efforts. That should do it!

[jsewell]

thanks Dale i didn't suffer any bad effects so i don;t mind, i have to do something around here. I think i had to do the initial decluttering, then they need to maintain it. I did not touch any bedrooms.
judy

[Maria]

This is the hardest part for me. Once I get thru that I'm pretty good about being able to clean even if I have to do it in spurts. Hurrah for your decluttering abilities!