I don't know who to see, what to do, where to go for answers?

[cj cake]

Hello,
I am a 35 yr old male. I have never had any real back before other than muscle soreness.... until last year, about October. I am a helicopter mechanic by trade and had times when I "over did it" a bit and had a week or so of back pain, but nothing that ever lasted long. I changed occupations last August, from a mechanic to an instructor. Well about October I started having lower back problems. I am not sure what caused it. There was one weekend when I "over did it" again chopping wood and had some trouble the following week. The other thing that has happened with my new job is that I now spend 4-5 hours a day sitting behind a computer. Well, I started to get this weird back ache that was in my right side. It slowly got worse and started shooting through my right leg into my calf. I went to the chiropractor.Nothing he did offered any relief. My primary care physician only prescribed pills. I think it was a steroid and some pain pills. The pain pills helped slightly, but thing got worse. I stated seeing a physical therapist. No real results. I tried inversion tables. There was temporary relief, until one night I almost became paralyzed! I don't know what I did wrong, but after about twenty minutes of 45 degree incline, I could not stand. I just fell to the floor and slowly and painfully crawled to the bedroom. After two days, I was back to "normal". I cannot stand straight up, cannot bend over, I walk with a limp, and cannot sleep very well. I am tired all the time.
Well I finally got an MRI done. The doctor told my he is sending me to a neurosurgeon. I have extruded discs between L4, L5, and S1. The surgeon wants to fuse four vertebra together and I am scared! My wife and I were finally going to start trying to have children. After ten years ofschool and work, we are finally reedy to live our lives. Now I can't even tie my own shoelaces. I am desperate for some guidance. I had a horrible first impression of the neurosurgeon. I am looking for alternatives or at least a Dr. who I can trust. The Dr. I saw would not even let me speak. When I started asking questions, he interrupted me and said "let me finish my speach". He told me he has been doing this procedure for twenty years and he knew what needed to be done. I need advice....HELP!