Now what do I do? Someone slap me PLEASE!

[Kathy]

I honestly don't know how you have made it this far. It is amazing to me that you have been able to get this far. Don't give up, you can do this. You are obviously a fighter, this will happen.... maybe it will take an extra year; but it will happen.
Unfortunately, our spines are not 'on board' with our time frame and schedules. I really, really, really want another child. I have crazy bad baby fever. I had 'planned' (funny how God laughs at our plans, like we have any control ) to have a 3rd child 2 years after my second child. Which means I would have a 1 year old according to my plan. I am now 3 years out, have agreed to not get pregnant for 2 more years because of the clinical trial; so we will see. It will be at least a 6 year difference in age between the second and hopefully 3rd one. My husband is 37 and will be 40 by the time we could even have a 3rd, not sure he will be on board by then. I just have to trust and have faith in God that His timing is better than mine and His plans for me are way more than I could even begin to dream up. I know it may seem whiny to be complaining, since I already have 2 wonderful children and some people have none. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to get married and be a stay at home mom. When I was 5, I was having 20 kids. Then, I went down to 10 kids by age 12, by 20 it was 5 or 6. When I got married, at 22, it was 4 or 5 kids. Then, I had 1 and said let's take it 1 kid at a time I just can't imagine never holding a newborn of my own again (that I get to keep and take home; not that I don't enjoy holding others babies... I just want to keep them). Anyway, I say all that to say that God has a wonderful plan for your life. Even though it may seem like it will never get better, you will. Also, I would get on anti-depressants. I didn't want to at first; but I feel oh so much better with them. Initally, the Cymbalta got rid of almost all my pain. I was in pt at the time and I think that something they had me do made me worse; because after about 4 weeks of no or little pain, the pain was back with avengeace.
Feel free to vent on us, we have ALL been there and will probably all be there again. It is hard living in pain, it's not fair, and it sucks; but this is the hand we were dealt.
Thanks for asking about how I was doing, I am really good. I am still very tense and stiff; but each day is a little better than the last. I look forward to one day looking back on this as a distant memory. I HAVE learned and grown so much by going through this and honestly, if I had the ability to not go through it and erase it all or not, I would go through it again. My charachter and person have been forever changed by dealing with pain. I am a much more empathetic, patient, loving person, and I have become a fighter, my own advocate, more self-esteem in knowing I can do so much, all because of what I have been through. I am sure everyone on here can think of good that has come out of this. I would love to hear ways that this experience has changed you for the better!
Still praying for you, remember it is ok to cry out to God, it's ok to be mad, talk to Him, he listens and remember....
"If you think I have forgotten you, I haven't" Signed, God
"When the whole world walks out on you, Jesus walks in"
Kathy

[kc0iet]

Thanks Kathy!
You should be a motivational speaker!

I dug out my Lyrica, that I had stopped taking when studying for the LSAT, and it seems to have helped; at least for tonight :- ) I did finish the two asignments that were due at midnight, with two hours to spare!

I guess all any of us can do is take it one day at a time.

Thanks for your continued prayers. I am glad to hear you are doing so well. I can remember when I had my original ADR surgery and for a few months the pain was gone and I was a real person. I continue to pray that my spine can be repaired and I can be rid of my chair and my narcotics.

Thanks Again

[mmglobal]

Wow, KC, I'm so sorry that things have gotten so bad. I hope that you'll find some relief soon. I've had clients who have gotten AMAZING support from their schools. Not only relief from the stress with being able to take finals late and other acommodations, but also counseling that was very helpful too.

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said by others here. I just want to say thank to kc for coming and sharing your story that will help many others. Also, thanks for allowing us the privilege of being able to provide some support and understanding. Thanks to the community for doing what you do... you rock!

Mark

[Justin]

Originally Posted by mmglobal

Wow, KC, I'm so sorry that things have gotten so bad. I hope that you'll find some relief soon. I've had clients who have gotten AMAZING support from their schools. Not only relief from the stress with being able to take finals late and other acommodations, but also counseling that was very helpful too.

I can't say anything that hasn't already been said by others here. I just want to say thank to kc for coming and sharing your story that will help many others. Also, thanks for allowing us the privilege of being able to provide some support and understanding. Thanks to the community for doing what you do... you rock!

Mark

Mark, brings up a very good point. My school has been extremely supportive about my current spine issues. I would look into special accommodations for examinations as well as any other school related support you may need. Your university should have a Disability Services office (I've personally had a very good experience with Disability Services at my school).

Congrats on finishing the assignments with time to spare! What courses are you taking by the way?...just curious. Your chair and narcotics will be a distant memory soon. Keep up the good work, lawyer.

[Terry Allen Blackburn]

Justin brings up an extremely valid issue, your school has an obligation to take care of you, to an extent. They are interested in your success, as you reflect back to them, the quality of education they provided and, that you participated in. They have assistance programs to help you succeed and it sounds like you have to become more assertive. I am ex-military so, when I went to college no one messed with me as, I did not allow it. I had spent three years in the service before my college years. If a professor started giving me some trouble I let them know, under no uncertain terms, that I was paying for their salary. Please do not give up as the goal line is almost there. Continue to call them until someone responds to your concerns.

You sound like an amazing person with a huge future ahead of you. We will support you in this process.

Terry Newton

[phylly]

When I was having so many problems with my prodiscs I knew after many consultations that I really did not want to fuse over them. Half (2) of the doctors wanted to do that and half (2) wanted to remove them and then fuse. They felt that taking them out would give me a better chance of healing. The other surgeons felt that trying to take them out would be life threatening and did not want to try. I knew the surgery was risky but I trusted my surgeon even though he did not have quantity in his favor. I had already gone to the quantity surgeon twice with bad results. I know most others would not have done what I did and I hope that I did the right thing. Now at almost 7 weeks post fusion and can do more with less pain than the past two years. I am early in the process but feel good and my back hardly hurts unless I am on my feet standing still for hours. I still have some leg pain but not as severe as before. I have been able to sit in the car for an hour and just went away for the weekend for the first time in ages.

I hope that you are able to travel to see someone who can help you. It is not right that you are spending your life in bed and in so much pain. If you have a non-union fusion perhaps you can still take the discs out??? I hope that you can get some answers.
Phylly

[kc0iet]

I did try to contact the school again. This time I sent an email to the ADA person. I have heard NOTHING! Nothing from the school, nothing from the doctors, NOTHING!

I am willing to travel, but unfortunately I do not have any way to come up with the needed funds for Dr. B (never can spell or say his name!) in Germany. I am now on Medicare and Medicaid, but that is about it. Missouri now makes you pay for Medicaid! My spenddown was just raised to $108 per month. Apparently my $904 a month is too much money! But I guess the good news is I just got a letter that my food stamps are being increased to $14 per month! WHOOP EEE! I have one credit card left that I can use for this, but there is not enough to pay Dr. B

The Lyrica has helped the pain, but combined with everything else I am really drowsy and loopy. My vision is blurry too. I was trying to read my assignments in the text but it is just a blur.

Oh, forgot to mention. The staff at the school have never met me. I am an online student. The campus is approximately 90 miles from here.

Phylly, I am so glad to hear that you are doing well. That is FANTASTIC! I am sincerely happy for you! I was looking at Dr. B's website last night. Just makes me want to cry that I don't have a rich uncle or something that would give me the money to go to him and let him fix my back, without loosing the motion in my back. He offers so many solutions that are not available here...

I have been trying all day to work on my school work, and I have not managed to complete on single thing!

Well, I hope this makes scene, I am kind of out of it today.

Thank you all again for your support. It is appreciated.

[kc0iet]

Just wanted to post an update.

I think I remember that someone asked me if it was possible to go to the school in person. Well, no not really. It is approximately 100 miles one way and by the time I got there and went through the go here, go there, go somewhere else, I would be in so much pain that I wouldn't be able to present my case and would still have to drive the 100 miles home.

HOWEVER, I have been presenting my case via email and facsimile up the chain all week. I don't remember if I posted that I had requested a waiver of the institutional requirement that would allow me to drop the two elective courses that stand between me and graduation. With much persistence, presenting my request all the way to the Executive Dean of Academic Affairs... (drum roll please) my waiver was approved!!

I feel like half of the weight has been taken off of my shoulders! This means that I have completed my Bachelors Degree! The disadvantage is that I will not get the Suma Cum Laude recognition (just short of the institutional credit hours requirement), but I have completed my undergraduate studies with a 4.0 GPA - 132.2 semester credit hours!

Now I can truly focus on my health and getting my back fixed so that I can continue with my goal of obtaining my Doctorate in Law. It seems like it has been a long time since I have had good new to share so I thought I would pass it along.

[treefrog]

Congratulations!! That is indeed good news. Thanks for sharing it with us.

[dshobbies]

Accomplishing anything while in great pain is difficult enough but graduating with a 4.0 is a magical feat. Much congrats. You've earned it and deserve it.

You have a lot to be proud of. Dale

[Justin]

Awesome news on the waiver! That is summa cum laude in my book!

Undergrad: Check
Doctorate in Law: In-progress

Now, you get to focus on your health--what a relief. Well done.