todays funny

[Gil Denis]

Was it salty
Gil

[chasswen]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident in the Bay of Fundy, Nova Scotia, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced Mounties.

'We are sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife' said one Mountie.

'Tell me! Did you find her?' the husband shouted.

The Mounties looked at each other. One said, 'We have some bad news,
some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear
first?

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said, 'Give me the bad news first.'

The Mountie said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we
found your wife's body in the bay.'

Oh my God!' exclaimed the husband. Swallowing hard, he asked, 'What's
the good news?'

The Mountie continued, 'When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five
pound snow crabs and 6 large lobsters clinging to her.'

Stunned, the husband demanded, 'If that's the good news, what's the
great news?'

The Mountie said, 'We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.'

[New-disc]

Funny....

Now that's recyling at its best!!

Todd

[chasswen]

Sarcasm: Teaching people not to ask stupid questions for centuries!

Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant? Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in the Intensive Care Ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

[dshobbies]

I really like that one!!!! He must have had unconstrained ADRs at every level to twist his body though!

[chasswen]

SNOTTY RECEPTIONIST :
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo Wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.