todays funny

[chasswen]

Ray & Bubba ( Arkansas mechanical engineers) were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.


'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Bubba, 'but we don't have a ladder.'


The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches' , and walked away.


Ray shook his head and laughed. 'Ain't that just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'


Bubba and Ray are currently working for the government.... ... and helping to design the "stimulus package."

[mmglobal]

During a commercial airline flight, a Navy pilot was seated next to a
young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the
descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as
possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly
offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded,
'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!'

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said
nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Navy pilot sadly shook his head, and, in true pilot fashion,
exclaimed, 'And all these years, I've been chewing gum.'

[dshobbies]

One day Benjy comes home from school, goes straight to his father and asks, "What is fornication, Dad?" He gets the answer all Jewish fathers give:

"Why don't you ask your mother, Son?"

So Benjy goes into the kitchen and asks his mother,
"What is fornication Mom? Dad said you would know." His mother replies, I'm busy right now Benjy, why don't you go and ask your bubbe. She will tell you."

So Benjy goes upstairs to his bubbe's room, knocks on
her door and shouts, "Please Bubbe, what is fornication? No one here seems to know." Bubbe says, "Come inside tatellah."

She then takes him to her closet, opens the door, takes out a beautiful full-length pink, beaded evening dress and says, "This, tatellah, is foranoccasion."