Out of Options and very depressed...

treefrog · #1 (**permalink**) 01-21-2009, 08:26 PM

Well, that's encouraging news. I will be hoping for the best when you go to FL.

I have a question in general though, for anyone who knows the answer. When Kathy made the statement that she couldn't pay out of pocket for ADR, as she only had $1500 in savings, can a person not use a credit card? I am asking because this is what I was thinking about doing, if I chose to have the hybrid surgery and being told that my insurance won't cover ADR. I just figured that I would pay it off after surgery. Hmm, maybe with the risk that a person won't make it through surgery, they don't allow it. EEK.

SandyW · #2 (**permalink**) 01-21-2009, 09:37 PM

Kathy,

I've got my fingers, toes, eyes and everything else crossed!

This is going to work.

And yes you can use credit cards. I found several of those 0% interest for a specific time, my mother even borrowed for me and was 101 so guess they don't worry about not being able to pay. I'm still paying, driving used cars, etc., etc. But if you can't enjoy your money, it doesn't do you any good. I am very fortunate that I can afford the monthly payments.

Another thought for those who can't afford to pay out of pocket. Churches and organiztions sometimes will help people if you ask, either thru fundraisers or available funds. Asking is pleasant, but it won't kill us.

Is this something that a "group like us" could do? Ask companies like the device manufactures, etc. or other spiney's to donate to a fund to help when insurance won't pay. I know most people here have enough expenses with their own problems, but there may be people who could afford to help. Well, thinking doesn't help much, but seems like there should be some way to help people like Kathy.

Kathy, my dear young lady, think positive thoughts, we are all here for you.

I'm sending those 100 hugs by airmail along with a couple of cheek kisses

. Good thoughts and prayers are coming your way, Sandy

dshobbies · #3 (**permalink**) 01-21-2009, 11:52 PM

Not only can you use credit cards but there are medical lending companies that specialize in medical care loans, though credit is tight... maybe a co-signer if you can't qualify. Also, the hospital bills you for the ADR. Maybe you can work out a payment plan with them?

treefrog · #4 (**permalink**) 01-22-2009, 04:03 PM

Thanks for the clarification, it's a big relief. My surgeon told me that the portion of the cost, which insurance wouldn't pay, if I wanted the hybrid surgery would be about $8000.00. That is for Prodisc-L at L4-5 with insurance paying for fusion at L5-S1. Having the surgery all at once means that insurance would end up paying for all the incidentals for spine surgery in general, and all I would have to pay would be those things that are specific to the ADR. I guess that helps a little.

Eastex · #5 (**permalink**) 01-22-2009, 05:20 PM

Kathy,
Have you been to Texas spine and Joint in Tyler yet? I am having better luck there so far. I understand what you are going through right now, and it pisses you off when there is hope and then it is ripped away. My wife is currently given up on me as we speak. I just hopes she remembers that I am not the same person during this ordeal because of the pain, drugs, and emotional roller coaster. You are in my prayers, and I hope you find help. soon.

Terry Allen Blackburn · #6 (**permalink**) 01-23-2009, 03:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eastex

Kathy,
Have you been to Texas spine and Joint in Tyler yet? I am having better luck there so far. I understand what you are going through right now, and it pisses you off when there is hope and then it is ripped away. My wife is currently given up on me as we speak. I just hopes she remembers that I am not the same person during this ordeal because of the pain, drugs, and emotional roller coaster. You are in my prayers, and I hope you find help. soon.

It's hard for spouse's and loved ones to understand as they may not have been there themselves. There is also such a sense of impotence and powerlessness when you cannot help a person that you love. Suffering is something that gets in the way of a good relationship anyway. How can you be there for someone else when your entire life is consumed by mind numbing pain. There is nothing that can describe the feeling of just wanting to take your own life just to have some escape from how much agony you are in. I have definitely been there where I prayed to die as life had no hope, no joy, no future.

I hope you guys can work your way to the other side. Giving up is such a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Hang in there and we will be like your extended family for support for what you are going through.

Terry Newton

Kathy · #7 (**permalink**) 01-23-2009, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eastex

Kathy,
Have you been to Texas spine and Joint in Tyler yet? I am having better luck there so far. I understand what you are going through right now, and it pisses you off when there is hope and then it is ripped away. My wife is currently given up on me as we speak. I just hopes she remembers that I am not the same person during this ordeal because of the pain, drugs, and emotional roller coaster. You are in my prayers, and I hope you find help. soon.

I haven't been to the Texas Spine and Joint in Tyler. I am hoping that this clinical trial in Florida works out. I am so sorry about you and your wife. This pain is hard on relationships, even the most loving person can't truly understand what we are going through. I know I'm not the most pleasant person to live with, almost feel like 'Debbie Downer' at times. Even as our spouses love us and have compassion, they are only human and I'm sure it gets old for them too. I doubt any of us are the same person we were before. It changes every aspect of your life to live like this. I've been so depressed at times, that I do just want to die, want to escape my reality. My husband has taken this as something he has done wrong, an insult to him, like he is so bad that I want to be gone. He can't understand that it is nothing to do with him or my children; but everything to do with the pain, I'm tired and sick of fighting. It feels like I just can't take another day at times. We have had our fair share of fights over it and everything else. It's hard being just married, then add this to it and it is a recipe for disaster. I wish I had some magic advice; but I don't, hang in there and know that I will be praying for you and hope that you and her can work this out and come out stronger because of it.
Best Wishes,
Kathy

dshobbies · #8 (**permalink**) 01-23-2009, 05:17 PM

All of life's trials are difficult. Personally, my husband was wonderful yet I could have found plenty to complain about. The key, as in most of life, is communication.

I've seen too many chronically ill people turn against those they love and know it's an easy course of action. I promised myself I would not do that. How you ask, by waiting until I was no longer angry and then I would talk to him. Sometimes he'd get defensive and I'd ask him to think about it for a later discussion. While discussing anything with all the anger gone, you both tend to keep an open mind. A little humor goes a long way too.

Just remember, if you must argue, always argue naked!