Thanks for just BEING here at times

[oes ali]

I haven't been around much. I wish it could be me saying i was seeing this Doc and that Doc and me having surgery and whatever else i've left out. But, it isn't.

I don't know what is going on with me. I am trying to get all of my records for all events (major) that have happened from first car accident back in 1981 when the Tony's Frozen Pizza Truck droveover the top of my Honda stationwagon, thru all the other incidents up to this last accident 5 years ago.

Lately i don't know if it is all the meds they have me on or what but i have a horrid time trying to get myself up out of the bed. To just get UP OUT OF BED is depressing me enough. I ache. my finger joints, my wrists, my knees, my toes, my hips (I think you get the picture) and i am alll puffy up from my wrist to half way up to my elbows.......

I've just spent the last half hour crying i hurt so bad and just want this all over. And i know that it won't be over for some time.

i have stupid dog show people telling me i have to go to a hearing because i called someone an idiot therefore i am being sanctioned for unsportsmanship like conduct.

I just want to go and visit with my husband whom left in November for Korea. I want to see if i can get into the Dr. in Germany. Maybe the Dr. in Texas as i have to be in Texas May 8/9th. and where my life is going to go from here

i'm sorry for 'whimping' out here tonight. It just gets old when people say Oh how can i help and care and you say just listen when i need to talk. OH no problems and then they never show up or answer the phone.

Thank you for being here even thought i have never met any of you.

Ali